Welcome to Week 1 of the 2022 NFL season. Despite popular belief, the Buffalo Bills are not yet Super Bowl champions, which means the show must go on.
Over the next 18 weeks, we will provide you with plenty of content that will distract from daily life, bad beats, and potentially your family, if that’s your thing. For example, it was a profitable weekend for those that faded our very own “Lenny the Loser,” who by our estimation finished with a record of 4-9. He still has the Broncos tonight, giving 6.5, so take the points with Seattle and buy that new car you’ve been dreaming of.
Perhaps the best part about Week 1 though is the anticipation, the highs and lows. Since February, much has been debated, little has been settled. Talking heads have beaten each of the 32 teams into the ground for months, debating who will win and why, all for it to come crumbling down in about three hours, or before Scott Hanson’s first bathroom break.
A tradition like no other.
Now that the Monday morning reality has set in after a long day of tailgating, or eating on the couch, let’s get into some rapid reactions from the AFC and why we should thank some of these teams for coming out, but it’s time to pack them up.
Use the links below to jump to each division:
AFC North
AFC East
AFC West
AFC South
Week 1’s Big Winner
Forget the AFC West, the AFC North is a party
Steelers vs Bengals
This game deserves an award. It’s almost possible that both teams were more drunk than the fans out in the parking lot. CBS getting Ian Eagle on the call made it that much better, especially with potentially the loudest “DOINK” on a field goal attempt in history.
The Pittsburgh Steelers might just be inevitable. It doesn’t matter who the quarterback is, what the roster looks like, how many injuries they have. The Steelers will always find a way to win. For those that might have forgotten, Mike Tomlin is still very good at his job and don’t be surprised when his team is, at the very least, “In the Hunt,” late in the season once again.
Joe Burrow and the Bengals are in trouble. The game might have been drunk, but Cincinnati experienced quite a hangover, one that seems to be in line to last a whole season. Also in the concerning department, kicker Evan McPherson is one of the only players in the league that demand absolute trust. If there is one kicker that can be trusted to save a life, McPherson is on a list with the Ravens’ Justin Tucker and probably no one else. Special teams and coaching might be problematic moving forward. Burrow should probably ask for his magical appendix back as well.
Ravens
Folks, the Ravens might not be that good. They might have left New Jersey with a win, but nothing they did on Sunday came across as impressive. A few defensive breakdowns led to about three explosive plays, which was enough for John Harbaugh’s team to leave victorious. However, the running game was shut down all afternoon and tight end Mark Andrews was held in check. That’s something to monitor going forward.
Browns
They got the win, which is really all that matters. After an offseason of turmoil and hurt feelings, Cleveland got the job done, beating their old friend Baker Mayfield. In doing so, they reminded the NFL that their running game is still dominant and will continue to be the driving force behind the offense until someone figures out how to stop them.
Battle for second in the AFC East
Bills
They were the best team on paper coming into the season, and displayed that in the season opener. Quarterback Josh Allen will be tough to contain all season long and on a Thursday night at SoFi Stadium, made a strong announcement to the world they are the team to beat.
Patriots vs Dolphins
What was a story all offseason long finally became a reality for the New England Patriots. The offense is just not good enough. They have a Dolphins problem and hilariously, a Tua Tagovailoa problem. Tagovailoa now owns a perfect record against Bill Belichick, which might be the most bizarre stat of all. Quarterback Mac Jones got hurt and the Patriots simply can’t find a way to win down in South Beach. The Matt Patricia experiment is off to about as good a start as you’d expect.
On the Dolphins side of things, one thing is now painfully obvious. There is no winning the Tua debate, so stop trying. His first throw of the afternoon went viral for being a laughably bad pass, but then he responded by getting Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle involved en route to a Week 1 victory. Is he good? Who knows.
Jets
If you watched the Jets on Sunday, first off, we are sorry, but this was a tale of two teams. The Jets defense is good, the offense might want to call in hospice. Sauce Gardner was impressive, allowing only one catch all afternoon. He played a big role on a defense that surprised, keeping the Jets anemic offense in the game by holding Baltimore to only three points for most of the first half.
Mike LaFleur’s offense will be hard to judge until Zach Wilson returns since Joe Flacco is just that bad. He threw the ball 59 times and only accumulated 307 yards through the air, most of that coming in garbage time when the game was out of reach. Until Wilson returns, the Jets offense will be good natural medicine for those struggling with insomnia.
The Battle begins out West
Chiefs
People really thought that losing Tyreek Hill was going to slow down the Kansas City offense. Patrick Mahomes made a mockery of the Arizona defense and showed the league that the team is refueled and refocused. After all that talk about a competitive AFC West, guess what? This is still the Chiefs division.
Raiders vs Chargers
Chargers quarterback Justin Herbert is a man on a mission. Brandon Staley’s team erased what was an embarrassing defeat in Week 18 to the Raiders, by showing that their defense is no joke. Khalil Mack got some revenge on his old team, terrorizing Derek Carr all afternoon. With Herbert clicking and the defense shining, the race is on in the AFC West, even though the Chiefs still own it for now.
This might shock you, but Davante Adams is still good at football. Who would’ve thought? After getting traded out of Green Bay this offseason, Carr’s connection with Adams was set to be a major storyline for the new-look Raiders. The offensive line struggled, but the team should improve as the year moves along as Carr gets a better grasp on the Josh McDaniels offense.
Bless the AFC South
Colts vs Texans
In a division the Colts should be running away with, the team struggled against the lowly Texans. It’s not an ideal start, but don’t panic yet. Truth is, no one actually wants to win in the AFC South and that was clear. Depending on the result in Seattle tonight, this division might be the only one not to secure a Week 1 win, which is impressive considering two of the teams played each other. A Week 1 tie. How’s that for chaos? Regardless, with Jonathan Taylor and Michael Pittman Jr., the Colts will be fine.
The Texans did bettors a huge favor in the opening game by not putting a dent in their season win total of 4.5. A close call, but the young defense impressed while preserving a path to the potential top pick in next year’s draft. It might be a tie on paper, but this was a win for Houston.
Jaguars
A competitive loss for the Jaguars to open the season is about as great a start that one could ask for. The only thing better would be a win, but they hung around and had their chances to finish the job, ultimately falling short. The young team though should be happy with its effort and coach Doug Pederson will be able to build on this. Some of the young guys showed promise and since the expectations couldn’t possibly be lower for Jacksonville in 2022, this was a solid day for Jags fans.
Titans
It’s a sad state of affairs in Nashville. What was supposed to be another chance to get to the mountaintop has already developed into a debate on whether a rebuild should’ve begun. Some questionable coaching decisions made the Titans look afraid to lose, which they ended up doing because kicker Randy Bullock missed a field goal that we all saw coming from a mile away. This will be a long season in the Volunteer state. By the way, if anyone can possibly figure out why Ryan Tannehill decided to take a loss of a few yards to set up a longer field goal attempt, please let us know.
Week 1’s biggest winner: CBS
CBS is the NFL’s home of the AFC and after watching what the NFC looked like in opening week, it’s evident that they come out as the biggest winners here. All of FOX’s money makers look to be bad so far. The NFC West disappointed. The NFC East has already lost most of the Cowboys players to injury. Tom Brady didn’t look great for Tampa. The conference looks extremely weak, so maybe there is some validity to Kirk Cousins’ MVP case in Minnesota.
Congratulations to CBS for essentially being able to print as much money as they want this NFL season.