The Loser continues his crash course in soccer, uh, football (kindly correct all soccer, uh, football inaccuracies.)
- After watching the U.S. edge Iran, 1-0, the couple dressed as Elvis and the Statue of Liberty are awarded Fans of the Group Stage. The Loser implores them to leave Qatar immediately. 🗽
- The U.S. plays the Netherlands on Saturday in the Sweet 16, uh Round of 16, and here’s why the Americans must win – bicycles. Everyone in Amsterdam bikes (1.91 bikes per household), which is sooo cute, BUT city planners in the U.S. (especially cities such as New York), are determined to transform us into a bicycle-riding nation. Not over my 1965 Ford Mustang.
- Much respect to U.S. captain Tyler Adams for his thoughtful and dignified response when interrogated, uh, interviewed about racism in American by an Iranian journalist prior to the U.S.-Iran match.
MR. WATSON, I PRESUME
From the “Well, This is Awkward Category,” Browns QB Deshaun Watson makes his season debut after serving an 11-game suspension for alleged sexual assault and misconduct of multiple women. At least 10 of his accusers plan on attending Sunday’s game in Houston, where Watson was a member of the Texans where the allegations surfaced, according to published reports.
The Browns are 4-7 after their win over the Bucs. Their odds of winning the AFC North are +2500, making this one of the fliers of all fliers this NFL season. The Bengals and Ravens sit atop the division at 7-4.
But the Browns actually have the second-best record in the division at 2-1. Baltimore is 2-0. Cincinnati is 1-3. The Browns still have division games remaining at the Bengals and Steelers and home against the Ravens.
Predicting the beat-case scenario for Cleveland over its final six games:
At Texas – W.
At Bengals – L.
Vs Ravens – W.
Vs. Saints – W
At Commanders – W
At Steelers – W
That gets the Browns to 9-8, which is certainly Wildcard turf. So damn right, The Loser put $10 on the Browns winning the AFC North, which would pay $260, netting $250. The holidays are coming fast, and The Loser loves little more than being a gift-giving winner.
THURSDAY NIGHT
PATS +4 over Bills – Did you see Josh Allen’s reaction when Buffalo eked out a 28-25 Thanksgiving Day win over the Lions on Tyler Bass’s 45-yard field goal with two seconds left? Allen hugged WR Stephon Diggs and surely seemed to utter a relieved, exhausted “F$!k.” 😲
Allen has played a little better in the last two games, having thrown three touchdowns and one interception, but he’s thrown seven TDs and seven picks over the last five. And the word is out – Buffalo’s run game is average.
The Bills are 7th in the league with averages of 136.7 yards per game and 5.3 yards per carry, which seems strong. But that’s because Allen averaged 6.9 yards per carry. The Pats allow 4.2 yards to rush.
The Loser can see the Bills winning (maybe on another late Bass FG) but likes the Pats +4 at home. Pats coach Bill Belichick is a master of taking away the opposition’s best weapon. On the Bills, that’s Diggs (after Allen). WR Gabe Davis has just one TD catch in the last five games. Does Mario Manningham or David Tyree ring a bell?
The Loser built that parlay at Caesars, getting +550, and wagering $10 for a $130 payoff, meaning a $120 net. Did we mention The Loser strives to be a gift-giving winner?
LOSER LOOK BACK:
Ravens -4.5 over JAGUARS – Jaguars, 28-27 – Jaguars fans thrilled they drafted Trevor Lawrence instead of Zach Wilson. In the week Wilson gets benched, did Lawrence come of age?
Bears +6 over JETS – Jets, 31-10 – Salah won’t lose the team, but the Jets suddenly might have to acknowledge they didn’t find their franchise QB in the 2021 draft. It’s official: Same Old Jets has been Laid to Rest. Looks like the Jets blew the Zach Wilson pick yet they win convincingly and seem ready to roll with Mike White.
TITANS +2.5 over Bengals – Bengals, 20-16 – Loser fans know what a fan of Derrick “King Henry” Henry the Loser is. With all the attention on Joe Burrow, it’s the Bengals defense that will take them home.
Chargers -3 at CARDINALS, Chargers, 25-24 – If the Cardinals don’t part ways with Kliff Kingsbury for losing QB Kyler Murray, how about this: Arizona fired assistant coach Sean Kugler for allegedly groping a woman in Mexico. Who does Kingsbury have video of?
SEAHAWKS -3.5 over RAIDERS – A highly functional franchise and future Hall of Fame coach at home against a highly dysfunctional franchise with a future coaching flop and the line is only 3.5 Losers can be choosers. Josh Jacobs (303 total yards and two touchdowns) singlehandedly beat my fantasy football league team, Sexual Chocolate.
COWBOYS -10 over Giants – Cowboys, 28-20. No, as proven in last week’s loss to the Lions, Daniel Jones is not the franchise quarterback of the future. Talk about a backdoor cover. Cowboys allow Giants to score with eight seconds left.
Bills -9.5 over LIONS – Bills, 28-25 The Loser built this three-legged parlay on BetMGM: Bills win, Williams scores 1 TD, and St. Brown will have more than 80.5 yards receiving. We got +650 and put down $20 for a payoff of $150, which means we would net $120. The Loser lost the pick but won the parlay as the Bills won, Williams scored, and St. Brown had 122 yards receiving.
HOME team in CAPS
Last Week: 9-7; Best Bets: 1-2
Overall: 88-77-4; +Best bets: 19-14